Eh! Been caught up with life.

That's not exactly true.
I'm more like... rotting at home right now.
Starting from...
My butt.
I'm bored.
I'm even studying!
DURING THE HOLIDAYS!
I know right?
This is not normal.
At all!

Anyway, there's not much to update on...
Except, unless you want to know my decomposition process...
Which, I rather you not..

But I can't wait for this coming Thursday!
I'll be meeting up an old friend and a teacher.
I'm so excited I'm about to burst.
*Decomposition process reverses*
And I'll be going to KL on the train!
Which I haven't been doing for...
Erm...
Three years.
But that doesn't count!
It seemed like centuries ago!
Besides, that was because I thought we were going to Kinokuniya...
But we didn't.
So that doesn't count.

Okay, I'll go back to my miserable holidays.
Probably going out later.
To sapu some stock from Popular.
Ta~

Just Some Quotes

Sometimes, two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.

A true man does not promise, he commits.
A true lady does not demand, she thanks.

I don't hate you, I'm just disappointed you turned into someone you said you'd never be...

Behind every beautiful girl is a guy who did her wrong and made her strong.

The reason I don't talk to you anymore is because I keep telling myself that if you want to talk to me, you would.

We're all blessed in different ways.

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that were never said and never explained.

People said you never know what you had until it is gone. Truth is, I knew what I had, I just never thought I'll lose it someday...

Promises are worse than lies, cause you make them hope for something you're not sure you can give.

Don't promise when you're happy. Don't reply when you're angry. Don't decide when you're sad.

Just because things aren't good now, doesn't mean they will stay this way forever.

If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present.

Where Did My Life Go?

You know, just in case you don't...
I might look like I still have a lot of friends.
But I don't text any of them.
In fact, I don't text anyone anymore.
I keep waiting for my phone to ring.
My only 'friends' who actually text me are Maxis and Digi.
I'm not joking.
Every day, I wait.
And I wait.
Then I remember, oh yeah!
I 'dumped' all my friends long ago because of...
You?
You.
I thought all I needed was you.
Because you were there all the time.
Then you were gone.
Now I'm left empty-shelled and alone.
I'm not joking.
People and friends I 'left' long ago, now have their own cliques.
And I'm not included in any of them.
They still talk to me.
But whatever happens, I'm not 'close enough' to be involved because they assume I belong elsewhere.
Every day, I log on to Facebook.
I see parties.
I see pictures.
I see people that I used to know so well, in the pictures.
I hear you, talking about going to parties.
Invited to dinners.
So many friends but who ever starts a conversation with me?
So many 'likes' for things I posted but who actually know what I'm talking about?
So many comment for things I posted but who actually talks to me off-Facebook?
People stopped inviting me.
I don't go to parties anymore.
I don't go for movies anymore.
I'm not invited anymore.
Cause "Weini is too busy for us..."
Or maybe there's some bad rumours about me going on around that I don't know?
Why did people suddenly stopped becoming my friends?
I hear you ask, then why didn't you try and make new friends?
Let me answer you, I did.
I tried, really hard.
After I came to this class, and all my friends I used to hang out with a lot, are left in that other class.
I kept trying...
I tried talking to you all, but you know what?
Every time, you all walk in pairs, I seem to be the one disturbing.
Some of you actually ignored me.
Sometimes, I walk away.
Feeling rejected.
I tried...
You want some proof?
I was talking to you and suddenly, you walked away with Wilson.
I was talking to you and suddenly, you asked where Anne was and walked away.
I was talking to you and suddenly, you talked with Sumitra.
I was talking to you and I was reaching my class, I said bye but nobody answered me because you all were so busy talking among yourselves.
See?
No, you don't see.
You don't see at all.
But you probably don't bother.
Even if I died today, my wake will probably be only my family members.
But I'm not saying that I'm committing suicide or what.
Why should I waste my life just because people don't care?
I just wanna leave this place where everyone has their own friends except me.
It's just too late to be accepted into any cliques anymore.
Anyone who read this, if there's any at all, might think :
Hey! I do care!
And you might probably start texting me out of the blue.
But if I haven't said this before, would you have actually thought about texting me?
I don't know...
I don't know anymore...
Every night I lay awake in my bed, I pray, wishing to get over this lonely phase in my life quickly.
If this is some test from God, I really hate it.
Cause it hurts.
It's just a duration too long...
To be empty and so alone.
To be aimlessly walking around the school making empty talks with everyone knowing that I won't hear from them after school.
I've been called an attention whore.
I know because someone told me that.
But so what?
Even if I am, I'm not the one getting invited to parties, to hang out, to group studies.....
The last time I actually chatted with someone through text is 2 weeks ago.
Probably more.
I never went so long without texting before.
I want to start a new life now.
I want to just graduate from this hell hole right now before it rips me completely apart.
I want to go somewhere else, far from here.
I just don't wanna stay here and wake up everyday, assuring myself (or lying to myself) that today will be the day someone will actually and finally return my efforts.
That today, God's test will finally end.
No one can stay alive without friends.
Not me.
I'm already half dead...
Can God send someone to me now?
Cause I really need someone before I really die.

Heels Are A Form Of Modern Days Torture! Serious fact! O_O

So I performed today.
Singing in conjunction with Teacher's Day.
I wore my long sleeve shirt (school uniform) and a pants.
I wore really really really high heels by the way.
And I almost died.
The heels were killing my feet!
And Benjemin was teaching me how to walk in one...
I was taught how to walk in high heels by a guy!
That was soooo embarrassing...
=_='''

And hahahahahahaha! *laughs in glee*
For the FIRST time ever, I was escorted by a guy!
And it felt cool!
It feels like I'm such an important person!
HEHE!
The reason is because I can't walk down the stairs in high heels.
Besides, Ben offered his arm *shrugs*
So I took it, cause I didn't wanna die.
Not so young. *touches wood*
Suddenly, the stairs look so deadly.
And I was wearing the stick kind of heels.
And I only know how to wear the wedge kind.
I think...
I don't know how to differentiate them but the one I wore today was really hard to walk in.
The sticks were sooooo thin...
How do people even walk in that?
It's torture man!
TORTURE!
No one knew I was wearing my uniform...
Until...
My teacher started telling everyone that I was wearing my uniform.
When I changed back into my uniform (cause I didn't wanna walk in high heels), the teachers approached me and looked at my feet :
Eh! Where is your high heels? OH MY GOD! IT WAS SOOOO HIGH! AND I LOVE IT! Why aren't you wearing it anymore? You looked nice!
And I was like :
Uhhhh... thanks... but I can't walk in high heels. And it's not mine anyway...
Sigh...
I was singing and all they saw my shoes?
Like seriously?

My other teachers couldn't recognise me.
They thought I was someone's elder sister or some ex student.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I'm so good at this!
Anyway, this might sound boastful (which is meant to be...)
Since no one ever said this to me before, I shall say it.
Several teachers came to me and said I look 'elegant' in my outfit. (I haven't really seen myself yet... since I didn't pass by the mirrors)
Even though I was wearing a pants and that my sister and mother (who are my fashion critics) said I look tooooo manly, I felt proud because my teachers all said I look elegant and it fits me well.
Ahhh... it made my day.
I think they said that probably because I don't wear these kind of outfit much...
Besides, I just couldn't be bothered most of the time.
Unless it's some events or special occassions.
My teacher was like, "What? You don't know anything about these? It is important to know these stuff cause you should know how to doll yourself up someday... bla bla bla..."
The normal lecture I hear from my mom, sister and grandmother ever other day.
Sigh...
Is it THAT important?
I mean, you can't even run in heels!
But heels definitely can kill.
Either the person wearing it.
Or the person which the heels are being thrown at.
Either way...
THEY KILL!

Screwed!

Screw Sejarah!
Moral was soooooo easy.
Then they dropped the bomb for the Sejarah.
I mean, I thought it was gonna be easy.
I mean, yeah, I did 75 objective questions for one chapter (there were 7 chapters altogether) in one day.
(Last minute study la... what do you expect?)
I remembered a few.
But OMG!
When I saw the essay questions, I was like... Damned! I'm so dead!
Yeah, I literally created my own history.
Like really created my own story.
I even made up some names because I seriously have no idea what are those people's names.
I mean, I didn't wanna leave everything blank.
I'd rather teacher think I'm dumb/weak/stupid than lazy.
Because well, I'm lazy.
I'm gonna be famous someday...
I mean! Look!
I've changed history man!
Awesome or what?

Am I Really The 'Out of Sight, Out of Mind' Kind of Person :(

I've never wanted to look back and miss my past...
But sometimes, I just can't help it.
Sometimes, I open up that box I keep all the little things in.
I will look back at all the little pieces of notes and smile.
Most of the time, I miss them...

How long more can I hold onto this?

Shit! What a Mess!

Today...
Someone from my past came back to haunt me...
No wait..
It's TWO 'someones' from my past.
I just hope they can get over it already.
Don't they get it???
Don't they feel it????????
I'm already over it!
And I thought we've all talked about it.
And they said they understand.
Well, now, I just don't understand what they don't understand.
Damn!
Then there's a new one...
Gosh!
Now he wants to break of the friendship because...
Well...
Because sometimes, people don't feel the same way about each other...
Or it happens.
At the wrong time.
*bangs head on the wall*
Why can't they just freaking focus on their studies now???
Well, I'm leaving this all aside until after SPM.
Any feelings towards anyone, I'm trying to surpress them.
And I'm totally heading towards success...
Can't they try that too?
Please?
I wonder why God is doing this to me now.
Hey! Big Dude Up There!
It's gonna be mid term exam now!
Why make all these suddenly come rushing at me?
At the same time.
With the same problems???
This is too mean!
TOO MEAN!!!

Undefined Mood, But good (I think...)

Wow!
That was the sweetest dream ever!
And maybe I might write a story about it...
Keep checking! :D
I went for a little shopping trip today.
And I bought something.
I think I like what I bought.
It's not for me though.
I hope it's the right one...
I pray.
Because I kinda save up my money for this.

And I haven't seen my dad showering my mom with expensive stuff before.
Like expensive cosmetic stuff.
My mom doesn't even use them!
And my dad actually spent RM 99.90 for a whole set of Nutox skin care stuff for my mom.
Which is a lot, in my opinion.
I mean, he always thought those stuff are fake or lies trying to cheat money off women.
ALWAYS.
And he actually waited for about half an hour while that annoying saleswoman went on and on about how good those stuff were and which set is more worth it (which is obviously the most expensive one, which my mom bought in the end, which my dad paid for.).
He was probably in a great mood.
He actually put his arms around my mom's shoulder in the mall.
Which I rarely see him does.
In fact, come to think of it, I never seen him done that before.
Recently, he's been really nice to my mom, don't know if I should be happy or suspicious.
I mean, don't the novels always say...
Argh never mind.
I shouldn't read those novels!
They are polluting my mind!
Anyway, back to topic.
My mom was like, such a weak person.
I was like, just pick what you need and get over it.
Damn those free gifts!
She got what she didn't really need because of the allure of free gifts.
Argh!
Adults.
They never really learn, do they?

Lesson #3282384719 on life : There is no free lunch (referring to that evil free gift)
Lesson #8423749817349173409173480917 on shopping : Never give the saleswoman a chance to talk.

I need you now...

WAKE UP! MALAYSIAN TEENAGERS!

Malaysians are so caught up in the Bersih 3.0 rally rather than the missing boy, Nayati.
Why are the politicians so worried about keeping their already stained images when a little boy's life is at stake?
The little boy is only 12 and has yet to enjoy life!
You are all old, so why won't you sacrifice your stupid and ridiculously luxurious life for the young?
Is that how you love your country or is it that you're more concerned about yourself?
Just in case you don't know, we can choose to love our country without loving the government just like how we can love our house without loving the people living in it.
Hello?
We have the rights to live!
We have the rights to speak!
If you people think that teenagers too immature to think for the future, then you are wrong!
WE teenagers ARE THE FUTURE OF THE COUNTRY!
We have the rights to have our voices heard!
We have the rights to speak like you!
We are humans with growing brains and perhaps, even brains filled with more brilliant ideas than your old and EXHAUSTED ones.
Perhaps you should listen to us once in a while AND ALSO try and carry out those ideas.
If you can't even accept some constructive critiques THEN IMPROVE, you are no different from the immature little 'kids' you think we teenagers are!
Open your mind and think!
We need to do something to the education system!
I doubt the politicians can even score A+ Pendidikan Moral and Sejarah if they were to take our SPM.
Prove it if you all can!
WITHOUT BRIBERY!

My Experience

So..... I went for the singing competition semi finals last Saturday...
Well, I didn't get it.
The judges said I chose the wrong song.
I'm not the kind who sing sentimental songs.
I'm the kind who sing songs with character.
Which... I don't know what that means.
But yeah...
I didn't win because I didn't choose the song that suits my style.
Number one, is probably because I don't know much about Chinese songs.
Number two, I can't sing Chinese songs.
Number three, Chinese songs are mostly sentimental.
But hey! At least I gained experience.
And it is from this competition that I found out this --> I have a perfect pitch.
If it wasn't for my friend who pointed it out, I wouldn't have known...
But thing is, I just can't sing and that's the truth.
Okay, maybe I CAN sing but just not the girly kind of voice you'd expect.
And I sound really monotonous.
But I'm almost there... well... almost...
Oh yeah, and some people just have to rub it in my face and tell me that I can't sing.
Okay, fine, I can't sing.
Just tell me if you don't wanna sing with me.
That's all.
Or hear me sing...
Because excuse me, I happen to like my voice just as it is.
And I'm not an enthusiastic singer, you see.
I like playing instruments.
And hello? At least I got into top 20?
Out of 50 people!
top 20!
Number FOURTEEN at that!
That is really great for a monotone like me!

And, and this is probably the 9th week since I last got weekends all dedicated for sleeping and for some me-time.
NINTH! Can you even believe that???
Well, I can't.
Because I ALWAYS sleep in on weekends.

Okay, I seriously need to get off the com.
I'm addicted.
I can't live a day without using the com.

(OMG! I'm sooooo excited about my latest idea to surprise someone! And I'm not telling you what it is. You'll probably never know either. Cause I'M NEVER GONNA TELL!!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!)

Anyway, BYE!
My Physics' book is calling me! (yeah, right. *rolls eyes*)

It's A Lesson Learnt

Sometimes, when you finally realise that you had a person who cared, understood you and always forgiving... it's too late because that person is not where you last left him/her anymore.

I wonder when people will finally start REALISING that life doesn't wait for you to make decisions with your own sweet time...

Anyway, random change of topic.
I have no idea why, but I've been living quite... carefree-ly lately.
Minus the stuff at school.
In simple words, I feel much more carefree in my personal matters.
I've been flirting with life.
I've been going crazy in class.
I've been sleeping well, even in my class (which, for your information, is stuffy, dark, noisy and stuffy... and stuffy...).
I've been sleeping late reading novels (just like how I used to do before I set my biological clock to 10.30 pm every night, which I don't know how).
I've been eating chocolates (yes people, chocolates).
I've been eating ice cream (omg! You know that Paddle pop ice cream with the rainbow colours - I call that Rainbow Ice Cream by the way, in my school's koperasi and everyone who was in the line was staring at me like "What the heck??? How old are you???" and I was like, "What? Isn't that what it's called?" - yeah? I ATE ONE TODAY!!!! Gawd, I don't remember when is the last time I ate that!).
I've been day dreaming.
I've been procrastinating.
And I definitely haven't been studying (yeah, I'm serious).
Okay, I lied. I did touch a bit on Maths...
Fine, I'm almost done with Maths.
As for Add Maths........ <_<
Wait, there's subjects other than Maths and Add Maths? *looks at fingers*
Hey look!
I wrote a poem!
Go find it!
Bye!

Love is so underrated... no matter how people tried to describe it.

Sometimes, when someone you love hurts you, you hope that they will face the same thing somewhere in the future and that they will look back one day and think about how they hurt you.
But sometimes, you love them so much that you don't want them to face the same thing because it hurts so bad...

London Bridge is Falling Down

Even the strongest structures collapse.
Sometimes, even the strongest people break down too.
So what if I broke down in front of everyone?
I'm still a human.
Who said I cannot cry?
Who said I cannot be hurt?
Who said I cannot be sad?
Nobody.
I thought for the whole night...
'When did this all started?'
No, I didn't think about what's wrong.
I didn't think about what's missing.
Because that's not what is wrong...
It is not.
Try and think, when did this all start?
Was it recently?
Was it last month?
Was it last year?
No, let's not think about the time.
Let's think about what happened that started all this...
No, it's nothing to do with us.........

I'm wondering if you had a good night's sleep...

Sometimes, it's not the moment of farewell but the flashback that comes after that, that hurts.
And damned all those memories.
They were beautiful.

Believe me, I've had better days.
However, I'm sure this is not the worst.
I'm feeling better now.
I really am.

Wow... wow.

So I joined a chinese singing competition.
Yes, I did.
Yes, I memorised the lyrics.
Yes, I can't read so I had to listen to the song like A LOT OF TIMES.
Yes, my parents say I suck at singing.
No, I didn't practice because I only got the karaoke version like 10 pm plus the night before the competition.
Futhermore, I didn't thought I will pass the elimination round.
When I got two 'O's I was jumping!!!
I mean, that was my hope anyway.
To pass the first round.
I sang, 心跳 acapella for the elimination round.
Then 'Ready for Love' by Olivia Ong for the quarter final.
UNBELIEVABLY...
I PASSED THE QUARTER~!
I'm in for semi final!!!
Wow!
Out of 50 people, I came up top 20!
Didn't know I can get this far.
The worse part was... my parents think the judges were deaf.
Sigh..

Accepting Reality

Time to accept reality...
I just need a hug... :'(

I Will Keep

*that goofy, dreamy smile*
Ah... I remember those times we had.

The wait for my turn
The sun.
The sunburn
The fun.
The laughter.
The night market lights.
Your hands on my shoulder.
Your smile.
Your voice.
The air.
The noise.
The smell of my chlorinated hair.
The games we played.
The jokes we shared
When we stayed up late.
The great times we had.
The first thing I see in the morning.
The little things that didn't matter.
Now I'm reminiscing.
Pieces of memories I'll keep forever...

I Hate That...

I hate that I have to pretend that it doesn't bother me and that I don't care.
I hate that I still think about you all the time.
I hate that you don't care, not even a bit.
I hate that my emotions have gotten the best of me.
I hate that you've put me through all of this shit.
I hate that I still care.
I hate that I miss you.
I hate that... I don't hate you at all...

I Hate Homework X100

Yes, I know, I know.
I've been really lagging...
Sorry, I've been lazy busy...
In fact, I don't even have time to nap anymore.
I don't even remember what I have to do, I just remember about having a lot of deadlines...
(stupid me, what's all that dates in my phone???? Results of being lazy to type in the notes...)
Just because I had a headache yesterday and slept like super early (8.15pm), in the process of all that agony, I had to give up my essay-writing time.
I ended up having to write ten times, "Bencana akibat kebodohan ialah sebesar-besar musibah kepada masyarakat" (Iman al-Ghazali)
And ten times of "Undang-undang yang baik datangnya daripada perangai yang baik" (pepatah Latin)
It's definitely better than writing : Saya akan menghabiskan segala tugasan yang diberi oleh guru Bahasa Melayu saya.
Yeah, I remember those days back in primary school.
At least this is useful.

I heard there's a senamrobik tomorrow.
Yay?

I need a new phone.
This phone is growing old and useless.
Although I have been kinda... 'abusing' it, but still...
Hello?
It's NOKIA!
It's supposed to be an anti-fall-and-spoil phone!

I ESPECIALLY 'love' my classmates.
They borrow my stuff and give me back a different stuff.
I'M NOT A FREAKIN' BARTER-PERSON!
I WANT MY RULERS BACK!!!!!!!!
I HAVE ENOUGH PENS!
I CAN BUY MY OWN PENS!
I DON'T PLAN TO OPEN A SHOP AND SELL PENS OKAY?

And hello?
I'm not your stationary library, Mr Tiu. O_O
There's so many other people to borrow mechanical pencils/pens/etc from.
Don't have to walk all the way across the class and waste your energy.
I know la, I got the most stricking pencil box in the class and you love it a lot. :D
You want it?
I have like, 3 of it!
You can have the pencil box (minus everything in it).

And please, I know you have better grades, you're smarter and you're a maths genius or something?
Don't have to compare your marks kay?
I've got enough misery at hand.
Don't have to add more into it!

Anyway, I gotta go write my essay now.
Correction, essayS.
(I seriously don't know when that pile of work started having sex and giving birth to so many twins... gawd... Reminder # infinity: buy some birth control pills for those work pile.)

Sucks Like Hell

Don't bother asking
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OKAY! I'm gonna tell anyway...
This test sucks.
Okay, that's all you need to know.
Fucked.

Late Gifts

HEY PEOPLE!
I YAMMMM BAAA-AAACK!!!!!!!
OMG! OMG! OMG! (I'm hyperventilating, just in case you don't get it... never mind)
I got EIGHT novels from my grandparents!
And 2 PARKER pens from my grandpa!
TWO!!!!!!!!
It's TWO mind you!
I don't know why I always get pens from him...
BUT IT'S PARKER!!!!!!!!!!
And it's really heavy (dunno if that's a good thing or what...)...
These all totally make up to all the birthday 'surprises' I missed this year.
(although I seriously think my grandpa should stop giving me pens, cause the last time he gave me a gold-plated one with my name engraved on it... gawd... I LOST IT!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? And it's lost for more than a year and I still can't find it! AND I've spring-cleaned my room for like about a hundred times! UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!)
Yesterday started out as boring.
And then I remembered something that was gonna happen later that day and I went really sad.
But as the day passed by... WOW! It's like, the happiest day of March 2012!
At least for me...
Until...
I realised that I haven't touched anything on my schoolwork (except history, I swear I studied okay? There's some drool on the first page... it's there... Just kidding!)
Am I supposed to be panicking?
Okay, I should.
*screams*
And I haven't ironed my uniform.
And I haven't pack my bag.
And I haven't finish the script.
And I haven't do my newspaper assignment.
WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!!!
I gotta stop procrastinating.
I've been procrastinating a lot this year.
Gotta stop!